We recently submitted our TMK 40mg Unflavored 7-OH Tablets (Batch #AF-420) for independent lab analysis, and the results came back with some findings that we can only describe as “scientifically impossible but emotionally devastating”. We were so distraught by our labs that we are giving everyone a very rare 10% of our tabs this week.

Before you read further: everyone is fine. No one has been harmed. One guy in Tampa is a little confused, but he was like that before.

We want to address each contaminant individually, because we believe in transparency, even when the transparency makes us look like idiots.

The Leprechaun Situation

We’ll be upfront. Yes, we did hire a Leprechaun. His name is Cillian. He was brought on during the R&D phase of our Sour Watermelon tablets to consult on the sour flavor profile. We were struggling with citric acid ratios. Cillian fixed it in 20 minutes. Incredible work. Five stars. Would recommend.

The problem is that while he was in the facility, Cillian offered to “take a peek” at our Unflavored tablets too. Something about wanting to “see if he could help with the mouthfeel.” Our production team should have said no. They did not say no. They said “sure, Cillian, go ahead.”

We were assured, in writing, on parchment, that all Leprechaun Dust would be filtered out during the tableting process. The dust is a byproduct of Leprechaun proximity. It’s not an ingredient. Think of it like dander. We were told the V-Mixer would handle it.

The V-Mixer did not handle it.

We are mortified. Seven milligrams per tablet is not a trivial amount of Leprechaun Dust. Reported side effects include: an inexplicable urge to hide valuables, seeing rainbows in peripheral vision, and sudden fluency in Old Irish. We have received two customer complaints so far: one from a man in Tampa who woke up underneath the Gandy Bridge guarding a jar of coins that he’d never seen before, and another from a woman in Phoenix who found her Duolingo inexplicably switched to Gaelic.

We have terminated our consulting relationship with Cillian, and sincerely apologize to all our customers who now have a fridge full of Guinness.

The Jake Paul Extract

We genuinely do not understand how this happened.

Our working theory is supply chain cross-contamination. We source tableting excipients from a facility in the greater Las Vegas area. The Anthony Joshua fight was nearby in December 2025, and our batch logs line up with a shipment received during fight week. We believe trace amounts of Jake Paul Extract (most likely Brain Rot-derived) contaminated a shared ingredient supply during that window.

We want to be absolutely clear: we would never knowingly add Jake Paul to our products and do not believe his molecular profile belongs in a harm reduction supplement. At 69mg per tablet, the concentration is high enough to potentially cause: irrational overconfidence, attraction to crypto scams, and the sudden belief that you could fight a gold medal boxer.

BPC-157 and AG1 Sludge

This one took us a while to piece together.

A 2024 study out of Tsinghua University (Li, Zhang, et al., “Acoustic Frequency Preferences in Mitragyna speciosa Consumers: A Cross-Sectional Analysis”) found that regular kratom users are 340% more likely to listen to long-form podcasts, and among that subset, 78% reported a “strong involuntary attraction” to the voice of Joe Rogan specifically. The study described it as a “parasocial resonance effect” and noted that even subjects who claimed to dislike Rogan’s content would, when observed, stop what they were doing if his voice was playing in another room.

We believe this is what happened. Someone on the production floor was listening to JRE during a shift, and because our batch had already been contaminated with Leprechaun Dust, the dust acted as a kind of psychic amplifier, bonding the tablets to whatever environmental stimuli were present. Since Rogan talks about BPC-157 and AG1 roughly every 11 minutes, the tablets apparently absorbed those associations at a molecular level.

We cannot explain the mechanism. We are not sure anyone can. But data is data.

The MGM-15 Situation

At 0.000897mg, the MGM-15 reading is so small it borders on homeopathic. But we take any positive result seriously, so we investigated.

After a thorough internal audit, we can confirm with 100% certainty that none of our raw materials, equipment, or personnel have ever come into contact with MGM-15 intentionally. What we did discover is that this batch of Unflavored tabs was tested in the same room as a batch of Limitless tablets we had purchased for independent analysis.

That’s it. That’s the exposure. Our tablets were in the same room as Limitless Platinum tablets and apparently that’s enough to pop a positive.

We always knew Limitless was packing heat, but we didn’t realize their tablets were so potent they could contaminate other products through proximity alone. Honestly, this might be the most impressive thing Limitless has ever done. Their tablets are so loaded with MGM-15 that nearby objects absorb it through the air like secondhand smoke at a 1987 Denny’s. If Limitless ever figures out how to get the stuff they claim is in their tablets, actually into their tablets, with the same enthusiasm they put MGM-15 in there - they’ll have a hell of a product.

We are requesting that our lab install separate rooms, separate buildings, and possibly separate zip codes for any future testing involving Limitless products.

What Now?

We are not recalling this batch. Honestly, after reviewing everything, we’re kind of curious what happens next.

That said, we do want to be responsible. If the idea of Leprechaun Dust, Jake Paul sweat, podcast-infused peptides, and airborne MGM-15 doesn’t appeal to you, we completely understand. Maybe stick with the Sour Watermelon tabs for now.

But if you’re the kind of person who reads an ingredient list like this and thinks “yeah, I want to see where this goes,” we respect that too. Use promo code JAKEPAUL at checkout to get 10% off TMK Tabs through Friday. Or just click here.

If you have already consumed tablets from this batch and are experiencing any of the following, please let us know:

• Speaking in limericks

• A fascination with why TMK hasn’t launched their own token yet

• A need to wake up earlier than usual and immediately stare at the sun

• A persistent sense that you are “optimized”

• An urge to tell people about your sleep score

• Gut health that feels suspiciously good

Happy April 1st.

Jay from TMK